Summer HN trip

**should read "Honduras 2009" oops.**

jai ho

netflix is sending me slumdog millionaire tomorrow and i cannot wait to watch it for my second time. i love the soundtrack, the story line, the artistic cinematography and the acting.

besides, dev patel is yummy too. :)

humanity. honesty.

I only want inspiration
I only want good
I only want to know the best
And for the best to do what they should
I wish the world was full of people
Like the few good people I know
I wish the good in all of us
Was all that ever showed

I wish I knew some people better
And that some wanted to know me more
I wish we hadn't burned those bridges
And I wish you'd open the door
I wish we weren't intimidated
By the things we didn't know
And that we had started speaking our minds
A long time ago
I wish I spent more of my days
In grace instead of judgment
I wish my life was a complete sentence
Instead of a teasing fragment
I wish more people sharpened me
And that my iron sharpened yours
I wish we'd think deeper and longer
And I wish we loved more

I only want inspiration
I only want good
I only want to know the best
And for the best to do what they should
I wish the world was full of people
Like the few good people I know
I wish the good in all of us
Was all that ever showed

I wish we could get over our fears
And our insecurities
I wish forgiveness and peace replaced
War and jealousy
I wish we leaned toward acceptance and
Understanding, more than hate
I wish we knew that life and death
Are things that our words create
I wish I didn't waste my life
In safety and security
I wish I was brave enough
To trade my reputation for maturity
I wish our attention spans were longer
And that we felt each other's words
I wish we empathized deeper
And let our hearts be stirred
I wish you could look at me and know
All the things I never say
I wish vulnerability
Wasn't such a scary place

I only want inspiration
I only want good
I only want to know the best
And for the best to do what they should
I wish the world was full of people
Like the few good people I know
I wish the good in all of us
Was all that ever showed

fragmented statements and rhetorical questions

there comes a time in life when the girl must say to the boy, "you are a moron."

i am making plans for honduras and mexico this summer. except for the fact that i have hardly any money. i also have other ideas about starting free english classes here at home but i'll leave that to the lord... to see if they are really my ideas or his.

i kind of hate labels and affiliations these days.

i should be looking for an apartment for the fall. i'd love to find a small one off campus to rent on my own.

-why does the end of my spring break have to be cold and rainy? :/

"Part of the beauty about having nothing is having nothing to lose

Everything that you possess, in return, possesses you

To be free, to be free, to taste and hear and see

To experience and create and be

With no end to possibilities

Open road

Open sky

Open heart

Open mind"

controversy

i just had a major overload of thoughts about the church that i have been working through for some time. i wrote it all down in my journal the other day and it felt very relieving and cleansing to get my thoughts on paper. i am trying to decide if i should even post them or not. they might be more appropriate for one-on-one conversation as to not be misinterpreted and offensive to an objective reader. :/

i am a critic but i am not bitter. i have been but i think i am over that now. i love the Lord more now than i did when my name was in the directory of a religious facility. i am growing up and learning how to take responsibility for what i believe on my own. some people i have seen just get mad and stop asking questions all together.

the key is to keep asking, keep searching, keep knocking. abandoning God does not make him disappear. and not being involved in a "church" does not mean you have abandoned God...

i have probably already opened a can of worms and should explain myself. of course, that is one of my faults...always thinking i must explain myself to people who's opinion should carry no weight whatsoever. more later...

called to love

*this is what spills out of my heart when i think about the love affair that i have with a country i have never been a citizen of.*

Broken streets and broken souls call
I am compelled to answer, answer them all
Your small hands have taught me more than textbooks could contain
Your selfless joy is like my heart's refrain
I'd choose you over a city of gold - all of you, every inch
I'd choose you first and I'd choose you again
I am a jealous lover, it's my heart you win
You're more than a memory, more than a friend
More than beauty and dirt and land
More than a good story to tell, more than I can stand
I am who I am because of you
It's taken years to verbalize, but for years it's been true
My commitment to you runs deeper than a flutter in my chest
You have all of me, my worst and my best
I love you longer than seven days
Beyond borders and languages, my love stays
I love you stronger than a smile or a tear
Because I choose to love in the face of pain and fear
I've felt welcomed, accepted, rejected and betrayed
I was close to giving in and letting heartbreak have its way
But I am led to you by a greater Hand
And my trivial emotions are irrelevant to His plan
I haven't forgotten you, I never could
You are my first love, and my love is for good

:)

honduras school trip montage