i was wanting to post something profound

But all i can think about is how "wanna-be" my life is. i feel like i have these goals that i keep chasing but can never reach. i second guess how truly comfortable i am in my skin...and i thought adolescence was supposed to take care of that. sometimes i think the flawed things in me run so deep and are so permanent but the good things in me are so thin and flimsy and inconsistent. its hard for me to hold on to the ideal me. i find myself changing in ways i never wanted to change and wanting things i never wanted to want.

i'm rightfully envious of people who are skilled at using their differences to influence the world. i hope to one day grasp that natural confidence and assurance. its a scary feeling wondering if anything is certain.